Velvet Eyes
EVEN PSYCHOS DO LAUNDRY by P Coltrane

(This sketch is a spoof of the skinhead Persil Automatic advert 1986)

INT. KITCHEN
A busy mum is getting ready to go out as a young Buffalo Bill (from silence of the lamb) enters the kitchen wearing only make-up, some tight pants and holding the corners of a light cotton table cloth across his shoulders and back.

BILL
(In a slow, rough and slightly intoxicated voice)
Mum have you seen my African American woman’s suit?

MUM
It’s probably still on the floor where you threw it

BILL
(Picking up a brown blood stained woman’s skin suit)
Oh no mum! look at the state of it! what am I going to do?

MUM
Wear the Caucasian one.
(Pointing to a neatly folded white skin suit on the kitchen counter)

BILL
(Looking at the suit)
The white one!
(Looking back at the brown skin suit)
I’ll wash it myself.

MUM
Bye, Bye!
(Leaving the house)

Buffalo Bill starts to prod at the washing machine buttons without any idea what he is doing. The machine starts to beep.

BILL
What’s going on?

He turns and sees a bottle of washing-up liquid on the counter, walks over and picks it up and starts to walk back. As he is slowly walking back to the machine he leans the bottle over in his hands and starts to read the instructions.

BILL
It rubs the lotion on its skin.

At this point the liquid starts to run from the bottle.

BILL
(Noticing the spill)
Arr Mum!

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

Buffalo Bill is dragging a heavy bloody sack down the street. As he passes a window he catches the reflection of the clean Caucasian woman’s suit he is wearing. He nods with satisfaction and walks away

END

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